MARRIAGE IN ISLAM

QUESTION

Islam History: Major Research Essay

The differences and similarities of marriage in two different faiths; Islam versus Christianity.

ü You could discuss polygamy versus monogamy as a major difference between the faiths

Possible Sources:

• My lecturer suggested these texts, they could be helpful.

Qu’ran

Hadith

Bible

Tanzeem, Fatima. (2007), Marriage contract in Islam, New Delhi: Deep & Deep Publications

Aisha, Bilal Abu. “The MarriageContract: Its Basic Elements.” Mission Islam,http://www.missionislam.com/.

Azeem, SherifAbdel. “Women in Islam Versus the Women in the Judaeo-Christian Tradition:The Myth & the Reality.” (1995),http://www.islamworld.net/docs/compwomen.html.

Farah,Madelain. Marriage and Sexuality inIslam: A Translation of Al-Ghazali’s Book on the Etiquette of Marriage fromIhya. Salt Lake City: University of Utah Press, 1984.

Jawad, HaifaaA. The Rights of Women in Islam: AnAuthentic Approach. London: Palgrave Macmillan 1998.

Mansor, Enon,Fatimah Eunos, and Osman Sidek. TranquilHearts: A Guide to Marriage. Singapore: Majlis Ugama Islam Singapura, 1998.

Mclean,George F. “Editor’s Introduction.” In Deliverance from Error and Mystical Union with the Almighty.Washington, D.C.: The Council for Research in Values and Philosophy, 2001.

Mohammed,Sherif. “On Marriage in Islam.” http://jannah.org/sisters/.

Rauf,Muhammad Abdul. The Islamic Family: AGeneral View. Kuala Lumpur: Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka, 1994.

Rich, TraceyR. “Divorce.” Judaism 101, http://www.jewfaq.org/index.htm.

———.”Marriage.” Judaism 101, http://www.jewfaq.org/index.htm.

SOLUTION

Marriage in Islam

The world has many different religions with some different and some overlapping belief. Islam is one of the most followed religions in the world, across continents. It is interesting to see the nuances of Islam and its impact on people who follow it.  Submission to the will of god is what Islam means.[1] People who follow Islam are Muslims and believe that there is only one god – Allah. According to Islam, everyone must live as per the laws of the almighty Allah and to ensure that many prophets have been sent to the world. The final prophet is believed to be Muhammad and the holy book of Quran is worshiped worldwide.[2]

Marriage in any culture is assumed to be a lifetime affair. Not only do two people get together, it is in almost all cultures looked upon as a union of two families. Islam is no different. Marriage in Islam is probably a feature that is most unique to this religion as it is perhaps the only religion that where polygamy is legitimate. Getting married is given great significance in the Islamic world. It is believed that getting married is almost a religious duty that has consequences for the entire humanity. [3] Marriage is looked upon not only as an act of approval for legitimate intimacy with the opposite sex it is also considered  a necessity for the purpose of establishing families and a family is the most fundamental unit of the society.[4]  The holy book of Quran uses the word “Zawj” to refer to a mate.  According to the Quran marriage is the only “halal” for physical intimacy between man and woman and the objective of “Nikah” as it is popularly called , is to provide each other with a lifetime of companionship , love , procreation and peace and tranquility.

So important is the phenomenon of marriage in Islam that bachelorhood is considered Un-Islamic.[5]Like every culture and religion there are certain written and unwritten norms that are followed to have some order to the madness. Marriage is such a everlasting bond that this institution could not have gone without its share of guidelines. Islam has certain guidelines that are followed irrespective of the culture when it comes marriage. The first and foremost is the eligibility factor.  A chaste Muslim who has attained the age of puberty who is not related to the bride by means of blood or any other relationship is the first step towards it. The man should not have any of the reasons mentioned in the Quran and the Sunnah that prohibit from marrying. For example, though polygamy is permitted in Islam, if a man has four wives all other women become temporarily prohibited to him.  Also, the wife’s sisters are all prohibited for a man in Islam until he divorces his wife. Some other examples of who all a man cannot get married to include aunts, nieces, adulteresses and prostitutes. [6] The bride also has to be a Chaste Muslim, a Christian or a Jew is also fine. Though in Islam, one is suppose to get married to a Muslim only there is a strange norm that needs to be highlighted at this point.  In Islam, it is acceptable that a Muslim man marries a Christian Woman however; it is not ok for a Muslim woman to marry a Christian man.[7] If a Christian woman is found to be a true Jew/Christian not just by the virtue of her name or background and did not renegade from Islam to become a Christian then as per the Islamic law , such a women can marry a Muslim man. [8] The patriarchy in Islam is evident in this norm where a Muslim Man can marry, in fact marry four times if he likes and convert his submissive wife. [9] Christian weddings and beliefs / norms about marriage are not all merging well with Islam and we shall highlight the same once we have elaborated on marriages in Islam. The next step in Muslim weddings is to get the go ahead of the woman’s wali, the guardians.[10] Another aspect that highlights the patriarchal nature of Islam is the fact that the father of the girl becomes the wali; however, if for some reason he cannot be the wali then it can only be another man who is the next in blood relations. Be it a grandfather, uncle or brother. A woman cannot be the wali of another woman. [11] Such is the importance of a wali in Muslim weddings that without a wali the marriage will be considered invalid. In addition, two male, trustworthy witnesses are also a must for the wedding to be valid.

Then comes Mahr or the dowry. This is a mandatory gift given to the wife by her husband, it is a wife’s right and no can make any claims to it. The mahr is considered a blessing for the wife, a gift or even compensation from the husband for her engagement and giving birth. [12] Post this, conditions for the marriage may or may not be laid down. But if at all any conditions are laid down they have to be totally aligned to the Quran. The conditions are usually laid down by the brides’ side as the husband can call off the wedding. And finally to bring the process to a close the pillars that seal the marriage contract are that of Ijaab and Qabool, which is a mutual agreement by both parties and acceptance of the conditions to go ahead with the marriage.[13] The offering and agreement must be documented for future reference to ensure that the rights of the man and woman are preserved.[14]

Marriage in Christianity and differences with Islam

Christians are known to be the more liberal or shall we say relaxed religions. Christian weddings are known for the vows and the famous “I do”. However, before the wedding services were written into the Book of Common Prayer the whole affair was much more casual. Spoken word was as good as a written contract and people could promise themselves to one another. [15] Christians consider marriage a gift from god that provides you with the right atmosphere to start a family and engage in physical intimacy with another.[16] Christian wedding ceremonies are held in the church in the presence of family and friends.  For getting married in a particular church there are certain criteria that need to be met. For example, the couple can get married in a particular church if the couple has lived there for a period of six months during any point of time or if any one f them have attended the services or their parents or grandparents have attended services at that church. [17] Arranging Banns is the first step towards a church wedding. A Bann is a public announcement that has to be read out at the parishes of both the bride and the groom for three months before the wedding. A Special license has to be issued by the bishop of the diocese in case the banns, for some reason, cannot be read out.[18] The church weddings can be very tailor made where in you can suggest hymns and prayers that you want should be played , in addition to the arrangements viz-a-viz the décor.etc. There is also provision for openly discussing issues related to money, communication, sex and conflict and how they need to be handles. [19]

The wedding is a simple step by step procedure which is fairly uniform starting with beginning the service with the priest welcoming the guests and talking about the significance of marriage in Christianity. This is followed by the couple making promises, taking vows and exchanging of rings. This is followed up by the priest declaring the couple man and wife and the whole congregation singing prayers for the well being and happiness of the couple. Sermons from the bible are read and the closure of the ceremony is done with the couple signing up the legal document and getting the marriage registered.[20]

The biggest dichotomy is that weddings and the beliefs in Christianity and Islam are so distinct and yet comparable in the sense that both  are so impactful in the emphasis they lay on various factors, the differences between the two are clearly visible with one skewing towards being conservative and the other swinging towards being a bit more liberal. To begin with a church wedding takes just a day. The designated place for the wedding is the church and it is officiated by the priest. On the other hand, a Muslim wedding can have many days of celebrations for the wedding and it need not be held in a mosque. The Muslim wedding can be officiated by any person who knows the laws of Quran well.[21]

A simple marriage proposal serves as the prerequisite for the marriage in Christians compared to the well documented pre- marriage arrangement that you have before a Muslim wedding. The traditional Muslim wedding is conducted in a manner that the bride and the groom are not even sitting face to face and are sometimes in totally different rooms. The person officiating the wedding has to get the consent of the couple and know that it is of their own will that they have agreed to the marriage. The Wali of the bride gives the consent from the bride’s side. The Christian wedding in contrast is the complete opposite. The couple is standing side by side and after taking their vows are free to enjoy the celebrations together.[22]

While it is true that both religions have beliefs and customs that are at tandem but a fair amount of comparison can be made between the two. For example, in both, the Muslims and the Christians the brides receive a gift, be it Mahr in case of a Muslim bride or an engagement ring for the Christian bride. [23]  You have a priest or a Imam for the Christian and the Muslim wedding respective and in both types of wedding parts from their holy book are read out.

The aspects that are comparable to both the religions are not just restricted to marriage. The fundamental belief that there is one god who is responsible for creating the whole universe and is sovereign in the lives of human kind is common to both the religions. The belief  that life after death is where ultimate justice is done by god in heaven or in hell is also a common link between the two.  While in Islam prostitution and any adulterants like them are considered pollutants, it is not any different for Christianity. However, the wide spread assumption of these practices emanating from the west have lead many to believe that or assume that Christianity does not have any reservations against such pollutants. [24]

But given the above, the overall tone of the two religions apparently seems irreconcilable. In Islam, for example not only can a man have four wives he also possesses the right to beat his wife if she is disobedient and can carry on doing this until she obeys and this is recognized legitimate.[25] This however has not place in Christianity. Another very fundamental difference between the two religions is that according to Christians one god is revealed in three persons. While Islam recognizes Jesus it does not accept the divinity of Jesus Christ or accept that he was the son of god.[26] Many a times the god is trinity facet of Christianity is misunderstood by many in Islam to believe that Christians hold three gods. However, that is not what is meant by it. According to the holy bible there is only one god, but there are three aspects to the nature of god – Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.[27] The term “son of god” used by Christians is also misunderstood to believe that god had relations with mother Mary to produce Jesus where as the truth is that the term is purely symbolic implying the relationship of Jesus Christ to God.[28]

For the Muslim community god is unknowable and distant and his relationship to man is that a master has with his slave. This is drastically different from the understanding that Christians have of god,  god being love itself. [29] The difference gets even deeper when you view Muhammed as who was to seek for forgiveness for his sins and compare that to Jesus who was without sin.[30]With such stark differences with regard to the nature of god between the two religions is apparent that settling down or merging with each other even at an individual level will need a lot. There is a lot more that has been and can be said and that makes it clear that fundamental Christianity and Fundamental Islam are worldviews that are highly incompatible. The debate of which religious system is more liberal, equal or in keeping with the changing times is endless and one can never arrive at a conclusion as it is a matter of perspective. However, what is apparent is the fact that in a marriage if two people are from different faiths or religions that have equally impactful and forceful influence on an individual’s psyche and way of living, the marriage has to be a deliberate decision where one has to be ready for a lot more hard work.  Both religions have a positive view of their own belief but that need not necessary mean that they are positive towards the views that the others, outside their religion are holding.  It is best to understand in all seriousness what each religion purports with regard to the value system one holds and then decide on whether a step like marriage that is probable held in equal importance in both the religions can see a merger of minds and hearts that have a background so diverse and may be even conflicting.