English essay on: “Falling in Love”
Abstract
This essay revolves around two main components of love namely “falling in love” and “being in love”. It starts with an introduction on the concept and history of love and goes on to explain and analyse the meaning of the terms , falling and being in love in scientific as well as general parlance. Then comes the main topic of this essay, the differences between falling in love and being in love which is followed by recommendations to not to fall out of love and the conclusion with a note on keeping the flame of love alive through thick and thin.
Introduction
“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing” (Corinthians, n.d :13:1–2, Gideon Bible) is an oft-quoted statement from Bible. The above statement speaks volumes on the importance of love in our life.
The study of love is very ancient even though the scientific study of love started in the twentieth century. Love is not restricted to human beings alone as it is equally important for animals too. There are many kinds of love like the love of parents, siblings, Animals, grandparents, friends, romantic partners etc. Even though there are many types of love “romantic love” or “companionate love” is considered the foundation for all types of love. In all forms of love, “falling in Love” and “Being in love” are the two factors necessary to make love successful.
Meaning
Professor Arthur Aron (2005) from State University of New York at Stonybrook says
The core emotional need of any human being is to feel loved and appreciated Unfortunately, many are confused with the terms “falling love” and being in love” The secret to a healthy relationship ( being in love) is the building and the best foundation possible is ( falling in love). If the foundation were strong then the relationship would result in depth of love and compassion. If the foundation were weak, it would result in anger, loneliness and conflict. This happens because the partners have confused falling in love with being in love.
In simple terms, falling in love is a spontaneous liking for another person whom he is willing to live with and take as a partner. Falling in love is a mesmerizing, inexplicable experience happening between two people.
Being in love is dealing with the idiosyncrasies of his/her partner and still be unconditionally in love with that person.
Analysis
An analysis of the terms “falling in love” and “being in love” would be appropriate before proceeding to dissect their differences. Let me make an analogy of the relationship between falling in love and being in love. Falling in love is like a child getting “baby teeth” and being in love is more like having permanent teeth. Both are important but each has a place and there is a time for each (John Faulkrod ,n.d)
Love in English is a common word for different types of love. However, in Greek there are various words for different types of love. While “ Eros” means Sexual attraction love, “Philos’ is friendship loyalty love. There are two more types of love namely “Storge” which is natural affection family love and “Agape” meaning Charity love. While “eros” and “storge” are of the nature of love at first sight, the “philos” love is a mature love, which keeps the relationship going.
Falling in love is subjective and hence varies from person to person. In its broader terms, falling in love is a feeling of connection, meeting of two minds, heart and soul, makes pulses race and certainly brings about a change in people’s lives. It is when a person feels butterflies in their stomach all the time and constantly thinking about the partner and constantly want to be with them. It can be a flash fire, which either dies down quickly or forms the beginning of a lifelong relationship. Some people fall in love slowly, but a small mishap is enough to separate them. Hence, there is no right or wrong way to fall in love.
Being in love is a state of mind where one wants to spend the rest of their life with a particular person. It is where the priorities shift into settling down together by getting married, creating a home and deciding to have children etc. It is also to develop a strong bond to face the challenges in life together. A good love is one where all kinds of hardships endured and life goes on smoothly. In such a relationship, each person is willing to sacrifice for the happiness of the other and think about the other person before saying or doing something.
Scientific analysis of love
Scientific study reveals people fall in love using brain as well as the heart. Twelve areas of the brain work in unison and release dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline and vasopression to create a feeling similar to euphoria. People take only a fifth of a second to fall in love and the euphoric feeling created in them is similar to the feeling while under the influence of drugs. Bartels and Zeki (2000,p.334) reported findings of an fMRI study on the neural correlates of romantic love and reanalyzed their data in relation to another study they carried out on maternal love (Bartels and Zeki 2004, p.334). As previously stated, their participants were in love longer and were not as intensely in love as in this study. Concept of love is a complex process from the brain to the heart and vice versa. Thus, the concept of falling and being in love remains one of the biggest mysteries in science.
Differences between falling in love and being in love 
The following are the differences between falling in love and being in love.
| Falling in love | Being in love |
| Happens to us | Results from a conscious choice |
| Entirely based on feelings like warm, good etc | Grows from a decision |
| Flaws are overlooked | Acceptance of flaws |
| Magical, mesmerizing moments and every day life fades into the background | Practicality of every day life is the soil where it grows |
| Unconscious and unachievable expectations | Mutual acceptance of differences and appreciation for the same |
| Based on instinct requiring little effort | Based on intentions, stretching us |
| Selfish – what do I get from this relationship, | Giving- What do I give to this relationship |
| Over looking faults | Forgiving faults |
| like an explosion so full of fire and excitement | a more peaceful love past those initial excitement |
| like a child getting baby teeth | Can be compared to permanent teeth. |
| It is the stage for the relationship to grow | Building a relationship requiring staying and growing power |
| Temporary and transient | Permanent and composed |
| Based on illusion and imagination | Balanced and correct view of the person |
| connected to heart | more from the head |
| Only the positive side of a person and are completely enamored by that person | get know the person in all aspects both positive and negative and still respect and love him/her |
| Both the partners put on their best behavior | The relationship grows and matures and they start loving each other and caring for each other |
| Opinion the other person based purely on assumption and imagination | they recognize the other person for who they truly are and still decide to be with them |
| is a prelude to the beginning of a bond | unbreakable bond with a life time of memories and every day experiences acting as a soil for love to grow |
| Based on blind faith | Being in love is based on trust and comfort |
| May or may not be fleeting and momentary | Loving a person through thick and thin and being available emotionally, physically and spiritually |
| a phase where you are nearly in love | a phase where you are actually in love |
| Easy and effortless | staying in love and this being the hard part requires hard work |
| transition from being neutral to start loving a person | a decision to love a person unconditionally |
| Falling in love is conditional |
Being in love is unconditional.
Recommendations
Unfortunately, few married people are of the opinion that they have to retain the falling in love quotient to remain in love always. This expectation will result in falling out of love instead of being in love. However, the good news is that we can learn to be in love by good choices and constant practice. Partners should form certain habits to create love and control thoughts that destroy it in order to travel the road leading to love lasting a lifetime. The return for such an investment will be worth its time and effort. It is highly recommended not to destroy love by looking at its imperfections and instead appreciate, nurture, cherish and share it.
Conclusion
Love is a fundamental expression of our humanity. While not one theory captures the nuances of love completely, each theory helps us to understand love better. Falling in love is fun and happiness and being in love gives importance to unconditional love and satisfaction. Love definitely manifests somewhat differently across cultures and ages, but overall people are more similar than different.
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